To you...who find it hard to look and whose smile I have only seen for a few times -- I am very sorry. You spoke of love, one that was hidden. Until you made it known. Yet, i guess you're still the same -- aloof. As the multitude say, you have what it takes. But i am a person who has penchant for conversations. For this human connection makes me express my innerself. And you, you're too far. I find it hard to reach you. I feel like you don't know me as much as I think, I don't know know you too. With that, again, I am sorry. and I THANK YOU. Flowers may wilt but my memories of you shall never wither.

___

To you... who turned my days into nights and my nights into endless obscurity -- I shall find peace. The burden which I carried...it's all gone. (and to those who know, join me as i rejoice!) I speak of truth that shall remain unspoken for some things are better left unsaid. And you, you will remain a mystery and you shall never know. Things are working well for you now. And I, I have come to a very significant realization. With that, again, I find peace. and I THANK YOU. The feeling -- it's all over, for this i am sure, but my memories of you shall always linger.

___

And to you...who believed in me -- I put my trust in you. I ask you to take a little caution 'cause my heart is fragile. I cannot guarantee anything but i do believe that nothing is impossible. How I wish everything would turn into sheer clarity and life's complications, for once, be a little easier. Right now, I fumble for words but I hope I won't miss the chance to say that I decided to stay. With that, again, I trust in you. and I THANK YOU. A phase of our life has come to an end but my memories of you shall go on.

__________________

when all else fades, memories are the only ones that remain. bitter. sweet. bittersweet these may be.

now tell me, how can i ever forget highschool?


*camdae*

i finally had the chance to talk to my friend abi this morning. well, we talked about bunch of stuffs and all,, about what's been happening to her and to me these days. we used to do this kind of conversation at the end of the day but since we were not classmates anymore and our schedules do not meet, we do not have the chance to talk as aften as we did in the past. God, i miss her! yeah, really. i've been missing our friday afternoon dates at mcdo, jollibee, or elsewhere where we used to eat and spend hours talking about anything under the sun. we can stay for like 4 hours or so just merely conversing with each other. haha. yeah, we talk a lot. and laugh a lot. and sigh a lot. :)

well, while waiting for our choir practice to start, i was able to talk with my friend, karl. we talked about a lot of stuffs but our conversation was focused on my predicament. here are some thoughts, realizations, and my friend's lines from our conversation which struck me most.

* "I think you are not sure if you are sure."
* "I'll give you something to decide on, that is, whether you are going to decide now or decide later."
* "I think you're at the middle."
* "In making decisions, it is inevitable to have wrong decision."
* the primer thingy. and the "splash him with water" stuff. (haha, bet you won't understand)
* "Give him deadline. or is it forever?"
* in making decisions, consider the consequences.
* " *l**s** and I found him lying.... maybe that's because he's really down"
* You can't get too close to someone. (karl explained this mathematically. haha)
* "You're fortunate (in tagalog)."
*"In the future, you'll find out that there are not only two, perhaps a lot will come more. and you should be ready."

...

This world falls on me

In this world there's real and make believe

And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am

I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand

And you love me but you don't know who I am

So let me go

Let me go

"I realize the odds, and science, are against me. But science is not the total answer; this I know, this I have learned in my lifetime And that leaves me with the belief that miracles, no matter how inexplicable or unbelievable, are real and can occur without regard to the natural order of things" -- Noah Calhoun, The Notebook

just when i have nothing else to do.

finally.. i'm back. it's been quite a while... and a lot of things (many, really!) happened in my life during that span of time. but i opened my blogger account without the idea of writing something about those 'a lot' of happenings . i actually prefer to write about this day -- whatever happened to my life on this 19th day of March. but don't get me wrong. i know what u are thinking. it's not that something really so special or even extraordinary happened today. in fact, this day is far from something i can call 'good' or let's say, 'perfect'. and it's not about the date, the number, and whatever! and so much for the explanation. let's just blame all this to my ever freakin' mood swings. that's it. and besides i bet i'll just end up saying a lot of stuffs (even ones off the topic) and that may as well include some things about the past and all. ha, you, see, i'm kinda weird.

enough for that.

i had my eyes open at 4am. earlier than the usual. but i stayed on my bed for like an hour. and dwell into nothingness. until my alarm clock made its way to remind me that it's a monday, and that it's my first day in school -- after being away from my ever beloved high school for almost a week. and that was, of course, due to fever, colds and all the coughing thing that almost made me confined in the hospital. i was under observation for pneumonia and good thing it was just "almost pneumonia" (haha, if that's the right way to call it.) until now, i actually don't know how to call the disease which struck me. my doctor advised me to have an x-ray check to be sure of whatever it is. i had taken a lot of medicines already. i'm currently taking this certain antibiotic (the seccond type actually since the first one seemed not to take effect) which is 800 mg, tablet for my cough (the third type already) and this cute (yeah, i find it cute:)) capsule for my colds. plus, of course, paracetamol for fever-slash-headache. wah, is this drug dependency? addiction? err.. anyway, my doctor prescribed them. and ever since i was a kid, i have regarded my pedia the best doctor ever (second best, actually, for I do believe He's still the best-est). So where am i? wah, i told you, i have the tendency to write a lot of things and go beyond the topic. well anyway, before going to the real point, i spent my entire 6 days last week at home. Yeah, that was when i felt so sick and all. and you see, everyday seemed to be the same as the other. err. I felt so bored and all. the same routine. sleep + medicine + food + cranberry juice + sleep + sleep + sleep. well,i really need a lot of sleep and rest, anyway. but two activities made that 'vacation' fun, in a way. one, i re-read my ever favorite "The Notebook" . the other, i was able to watch some chapters of Princess Hours (super thanks to ivan for lending me the dvd:). Ok, so going back to this day, i was able to arrive at school earlier than the usual. I was able to attend the flag ceremony which i am very looking forward to attend these days since sooner or later, we'll have our last.*sigh* i was very happy to see my classmates and my friends again. I guess i have to admit that i really missed them. (with that, how can i ever imagine my life after graduating?*another sigh*) then we had our grad practice in the morning. we had a recap on the grad song (good thing, for i don't really know that song) and the ncr hymn. during our practice, i got a little tired and felt some pain on my back. and from that time on, i became so not in the mood and i felt like going home. but then, i did not, of course! In not more than 10 days, we'll be graduating. These days are the last days...ones that i am really looking forward to spend with my entire high school family. ok, so after the morning session, we had our lunch break. funny stories and jokes. good times. and all. then, we had our practice for our presentation for our clearance in our Pinoy class. during the afternoon of our grad practice, i felt so very tired. and i did a couple of mistakes. shame on me. haha. still, i find it as something to laugh about:) after the grad practice, we had our presentation for Filipino (thanks to ate rachel for lending me the apron:)) and then, we had our choir practice. then, it rained. and i have no umbrella. but the rain stopped already just right after (or a few minutes earlier) choir practice. Thank you Lord, you're the best!:)

suddenly, like the usual, i feel the need to stop writing. haha. told you, just one of the effects of my mood swings. toink.

anyway, happy birthday to frances! and yayi, too!:)

*camdae*

Underneath the Waves

The stars beneath the sky, they tell me you're a secret,
And every time, i wake up in the morning,
Rain is falling down on me. i feel free. . .

You caught me by surprise, i asked you to believed me,
Without a lie, we'll never have to say or feel were sorry,
Don't say you're sorry, soon you'll see. . .

I'm learning, i'm learning you now. . .
Stars fading, free falling into you. . .

This time i'm sure what i'm looking for,
And that's what i want you to know,
And i won't ever let you go, let you go . .

Underneath the waves,
I can feel you underneath the waves. . .

I'm learning, i'm learning you now. . .
Stars fading, free falling into you. . .

This time i'm sure what i'm looking for,
And that's what i want you to know,
And i won't ever let you go, let you go . .

It's all been said and done to me, i know it,
Just let me have a chance, to prove my cause,
And i know what lies ahead for us,
In any road i'll let you come my way. . .

This time i'm sure what i'm looking for,
And that's what i want you to know,
And i won't ever let you go, let you go. . .

And i'm ready for you now,
And i'm ready for you now,
Be ready for me now,
Be ready for me now. . .

complexities

“An old man turned ninety eight, won the lottery and died the next day…”

I am but an irony.

I love sunshine but I long for the rain.

I feel comfortable with my flip- flops but I’d rather go out with my sneakers on.

I yearn for the stillness of the night but the day’s vivacity makes me feel alive.

I love to paint yet I am not really good at it. *oh yeah, I’m a frustrated painter*

I’m vain yet at times I don’t care if I look odd or something.

I can be tough but I’m fragile.

I like taking risks but I’d rather play safe sometimes.

I long to write but now I suddenly feel the need to stop.

Yet one thing’s certain: I am happy.

But with me, even the most definite things tend to be vague.

….endless sarcasms to talk about.


"...isn't it ironic?"

stripes fever

my prince and i. yeah right, in my dreams. haha:)

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."--- Anais Nin





second day of february.

bad trip

Our choir practice ended at 7:30 and I got home after an hour and a half. Argh. This day was quite tiring and the fact that something happened during my way home made me feel even more exhausted. Ok…so I rode an fx on my way home. I sat at the middle part and a man was sitting beside me. Hah! I hate him! Like hello, it was only me and him sitting on the car chair but I felt like ten people were beside me because he kept on pushing himself to me. Wah, I hate him! Well, I couldn’t and I wouldn’t tolerate his insolence, so with a tone little higher than the normal, I told him, “Excuse me, pwede po bang makiusog. Ang laki kaya ng space!” It’s good that he did move cause if he didn’t, he would wish he never rode that fx (hah, I have my file case with me, remember!)

Argh. Argh. Argh.

januarytwentyeighttwothousandseven.

*with my cousins ate mykz and kyla and my sister ate omi.:)*

the ballad of

There are 8 billion people in this world
8 billion lives are changing
Never felt so alone
Would you consider me inspite of this?
I'm always the one who loses
Would you make me better?
How, how, how will we make this work?
Why do you have to be so far?
It's all clear now
I m gonna keep you
Like flowing water into forever
That look is all I need to get by
Like living in some illusion
I never felt so alive
I know that there will be flaws around us
The silly wars that we'll be fighting
Yes, I'll be fighting
Into forever now
I'll be the one who holds you dear

There are 8 billion people in this world
8 billions lives are changing and you're the one I need.

*twilight*

perplexed?

I am not a fan of change.

Yet, it has been a part of my life...everyone's life, I guess...

distortion of things... unforeseen repercussions...

wah...

If the world would do its worst, I'll stumble and die. Yeah whatever! I want to recharge. This quandary lets me feel I'm alive...

but life is not at all, cruel.

There are times when my mind is incapable of knowing but when I become certain of what I feel, my actions will constantly dance and move forward. And that's a simple reason to smile:)

*If ever I have let myself go, nothing can be wrong, as long as I know how to get it back*

I shall know. Right?

the story behind the victories

For quite some time, the group was in a deep sleep. We were disorganized, apathetic, frigid. Until the drive for a change awaken us that we became passionate for the gift we are blessed with. For the past months now, with the leadership of Mrs. Jocelyn Carlos, the Manila Science High School has revived its glory. With all the victories the Chorale has earned, I would like to share some of my experiences and insights as a member of this group.

Awit Ko, Himig Mo: The Rotary District Chorale Contest

Before the semestral break, Mrs. Carlos informed us about the District Chorale Competition organized by the Rotary Clubs of Manila. Since it was the first competition the chorale would be participating after the group found itself in an inoperative state, we became very excited about it. However, our participation in this contest meant days of hard work since there were a lot of points that the group needed to improve on. Still, we all agreed to join the competition. With much anticipation, the group rehearsed for three days during the semestral break. The contest piece was “Minsan Lang Kitang Mamahalin” and we chose “Old Time Religion” as our choice piece. After the sem break, we allotted days for practice. The ‘hard work’ was indeed, seriously hard. Every morning, we had physical trainings which helped us improve our voices. We even vocalized while we were lying down on the floor of the school’s auditorium with three thick books on the top of our diaphragms. As the contest approached, the tension in us grew stronger. Conflicts even arouse few days before the contest.

November 11, 2006 finally came. It was the day we had all been waiting for. In the morning of that Saturday, we prepared ourselves for the contest. Some of the MAPEH teachers went to school to help Mrs. Carlos and extended their moral support to the group. With mixed feelings of joy and nervousness, we had our way to Emilio Aguinaldo College, the venue of the chorale competition. Before the program started, we had taken time to pray to God, thank Him for the opportunity He has given us, and asked for His guidance for the contest. The chorale competition was participated by fifteen schools from Manila as well as Pasay and Cavite. And then, the moment for us to perform finally came. We were so much inspired by the presence of a number of MaScian students, teachers, department heads, and parents who were there to support us. With confidence, we walked our way to the stage and gave our best performance as the eight group to present. After our performance, we all felt good and relieved.

The Manila Science High School Chorale was indeed very blessed to bag the second place in this Rotary District Chorale Competition. We were given twenty thousand pesos as the prize for the contest. We all went home with overflowing joy in our hearts.



Baywalk Chorale Competition

Weeks after winning in the Awit Ko, Himig Mo Rotary District Chorale Contest, we were informed about another competition in which we were encouraged to join. It was the annual high school chorale competition at Baywalk. The group really had the pursuit to participate in the said contest but we had conflict with our schedule. Since we were preparing for the Rizal Music Theater Competition, we were afraid we might not have enough time to practice for this contest. Nevertheless, with much faith and enthusiasm, we decided to join the competition. Yet again, our participation in this contest meant another days of hard slog, a harder one actually since we were preparing for two competitions at the same time. During these days, we really became very much tired. The first thing we thought of doing the moment we arrive home after our rehearsals was to rest and sleep. We chose “Jingle Bells Calypso” as our choice piece while “Ang Pasko ay Sumapit” was the contest piece.

The elimination for this contest was held one Tuesday night at the Raja Sulayman Park at Baywalk. We went there with a little confidence because we were not really that prepared since we were not able to concentrate on this competition. However, we tried to give our best as we perform. The program lasted for almost four hours and all of us were so tired and sleepy at the same time. In spite of this, the program was worth waiting for because we were one of the qualified schools to perform in the finals.
The grand finals was held last December 22, 2006 in the same venue. That Saturday, we went early to school since some of the supervisors from NCR would come to check our presentation in the Rizal Theater Competition. Right after our practice for the musical theater, we prepared ourselves for the chorale competition to be held in the evening of that day. It was indeed a very exhausting day for us. Our voices were tired as well. Yet we went to Raja Sulayman Park and forgot about all our weariness and anxieties. We were the third group out of the seven other schools to perform. Once again, we were so much encouraged by the presence of MaSci students, teachers and parents who were there to watch and cheer for us. During that night, we gave our best shot.
To be the Grand Champion of the Baywalk High School Chorale Competition truly was a blessing for each of us. As the prize for the competition, we were rewarded certificates and twenty five thousand pesos.



Rizal Festival of Excellence

The highlight of the Manila Science High School Chorale’s year was the Rizal Musical Theater Competition. To represent NCR and the cluster region was a very overwhelming experience for each of us. Truly, we had sacrificed a lot of things for this competition: We failed to attend our classes, we rehearsed during weekends and holidays, we even turned down our opportunity to go to Singapore! Yet, every little sacrifice that we did for this competition was worth it. We faced a lot of conflicts which almost made us give up. But, we never did.

For weeks, we practiced for this competition. It was not easy for us to come up with this kind of presentation since not even one of us had a background on theater production. Nevertheless, we were able to make something out of our own skills and talents. The music was composed by some of the choir members while the script was written by Mrs. Carlos. Our musical theater’s theme was Isang Rizal: Noon, Ngayon, at Bukas. Here’s a glimpse of what we experienced during the Rizal Festival of Excellence:

December 27
We went to school early in the morning to prepare ourselves for the competition. In the afternoon, we checked in at the Bayview Park Hotel. Then, we were informed that only 25 participants were allowed to perform in the Musical Theater. We found that a memo was sent to the office of NCR but we were never told about this information. We were so frustrated and we almost lose hope. In the evening, we had a meeting where we decided how to resolve the conflict.

December 28
We woke up early in the morning and went to MaSci to make some changes in our presentation since only 25 participants were allowed to perform. In the afternoon, we went to the GSIS Theater for the final rehearsal. We slept early that night.

December 29
It was the contest day. At 4am, we started to prepare for the competition. Then, all of the five groups of the Musical Theater, Northern Luzon, Southern Luzon (We represent this region.) Visayas, Northern Mindanao, and Southern Mindanao went to the GSIS Theater. Our nervousness was incomparable. We were the last group to perform. After our performance, we were quite disappointed of how the technical points of the production turned out. When the winners of the competition were announced, our hearts overflowed with happiness when we learn that we won the second place. We received certificates and a cash prize of fifty thousand pesos. Almost everyone cried for joy. We prayed to God and thank him for everything. In the evening, we went back to GSIS Theater for the Grand Awards Night.

December 30
We went home bringing with us the fruitful experience we had.




I really learned a lot of things from my experiences as part of the Manila Science High School Chorale. I guess all the sacrifices that we made were nothing compared to the unforgettable experience we had. From these experiences, I was able to gain friends and had deeper relationships with the other members of the choir. I learned the value of discipline, cooperation, teamwork, and the value of time. I also learned to face challenges no matter how hard they are and be thankful for the gifts that God has blessed me with. Truly, 2006 was a great year for the Manila Science High School Chorale. With all our victories, we would like to extend our gratitude to everyone who supported and inspired us in many ways. Above all, we owe them all to the One who never failed us, the Creator of Music, the binding force which unites us in spite of our differences. To God be the Glory!

Joy to the World

Our Savior is born.

Merry Christmas to Everyone!:)

just like the wise men

Let's offer the best gift we can give to Jesus this Christmas -- our life.

... for wise men still follow Him today:)

Wise men still follow

Baby Jesus born in Bethlehem
Baby Jesus born to save all men
I have come to crown you King
I give my all my everything

How foolish I would be to turn away
For wise men still follow you today


Baby Jesus born in Bethlehem
Baby Jesus born to save all men
I have come to crown you King
I give my all my everything

How foolish I would be to turn away
For wise men still follow you today

--from the soundtrack of Meet Me At the Manger
--one of the songs included in our Christmas presentation in the church

in both extremities

December 21, 2006. Four days before Christmas.

We had our Christmas party today. Our last, in MaSci. Sad though, we have to accept it. In less than four months we'll be leaving this institution. :(

I enjoyed our party. Who would not? Nini had a great dating game (congratulations to Leo...*haha*), Miss Gay 2006 was a bliss (you guys look good on your clothes! congratulations to Jan!:)*laugh out loud*), we had fun games, enough food to eat, and many more reasons to enjoy...

Everything worked out very well until...

You see, I thought everything's fine with me already. For quite a long time I should have recovered from this quandary. Still, I find myself in the midst of dejection which I hope will turn out to be temporary.

Heavy-hearted, I searched for my friend. A shed of tears paved the way to ease the pain. Abi, saved me again. She can never get out of my system for it will always search for her. I did not tell her the cause of this sudden outburst. She listened as I sob. She was there, that's enough.

I spent the rest of the day with her and with the einstein people (again, thanks guys!). They treated me nicely as if I am really part of their group. I guess, that's something I should be greatful for.With such joy, I forgot about what happened hours before.

I need to rest.

Someday, everything's gonna be completely fine.

I'll keep the faith.

someday

Someday you'll gonna realize

One day you'll see through my eyes

But then i won't even be there

I'll be happy somewhere

Even if i can't I know

You dont really see my worth

You think your the last guy on earth

Well i've got news for you

I know i'm not that strong

But it won't take long

Won't take long

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me

The way, i want you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place

One day i'll forget about you

You'll see, i won't even miss you

Someday, someday

But now I know you can't tell I'm down,

and i'm not down anyway

But one day these tears

They will all run dry

I won't have to cry Sweet goodbye

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me

The way, i want you to need me Someday,

someone's gonna take your place

One day i'll forget about you

You'll see, i won't even miss you

Someday, someday

the night's mine.

For a moment, I desired intenseley for a rest.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying on the wooden stage of our school's auditorium. The first person I saw (in a hazy vision) was Aika, who happened to be sleeping beside me... I finally realized that I, too, fell asleep.

And at this very moment, I still long for a slumber. Hah, but I know the night's melancholy has a lot to offer. Contemplation.

I need a cup of coffee.

to a faithful servant

To have friends who are in love with God is really a blessing. They are the persons whom I can really call true friends. They have inspired and changed my life in more ways than one.

In less than 24 hours, Kuya Nante will be leaving for States. He's been kind, sweet and dear to eveyone. He has been a special part of our family. I will never forget him because he was the one who taught me a lot of things about worship leading. Truly, his life has been a living testimony of God's undying love.

Many will surely miss him. I, myself will really miss him.

Wherever life takes Kuya Nante, I believe that God will always make great things for his faithful servant. :)


To Kuya Nante: We love you! May God be with you always:)